Tag Archives: choice

The Great Debate

Evil Mark:  Hey, did you see? You have a chance to be 12 again, but know all that you know now

Good Mark:  Wait, what?

Mark:  Huh?

EM: That is what it says, you can be transformed into a 12 year old body and live life the way that you always wanted

M:  Really? That’s, umm…

GM: Don’t do it!

EM:  Why the hell not? He could do all the things that he should have done, erase all the mistakes that he made and make something of himself

GM: But he is something now

M:  Yeah, wait…um…thanks?

EM:  You know what I mean. He would know how to handle all the crap that came along

GM: You mean life?

EM: What?

GM: All that crap that came along defines who we are today.

EM:  Whatever, he could be someone totally different. He could be even better than he could have ever dreamed of

GM: You really think so?

EM:  Sure, why not. And along the way he can get even with all the people that hurt him, that made his life as screwed up as it became.

GM: There it is

EM: There what is?! I’m just saying that this is his chance for redemption

GM: You mean revenge?

EM: Whatever. It would be good for him

M: Guys, I’m right here

EM: We’ll get to you in a minute. All those coulda-woulda-shoulda moments, could be handled differently

GM: Why?

EM: What do you mean why? So that he could do better

GM: I like him the way he is

M:  Umm….thanks

EM: Yeah, yeah. He’s a nice guy and all, but you have to admit, he made a lot of mistakes in his life

GM: Who hasn’t?

EM: You’re missing the point.

GM: No, actually you are missing the point. We are all defined by our thoughts and actions. He had to go through all the mistakes, all the heartache, all the hurt, all the loneliness, all the irresponsibility, all the self-righteous….


GM: immature behavior, all the self-centered, center of the world thinking, all the…

M: I think he gets it

GM: self imposed inadequate thinking

M: STOP already…..!!

GM: To be the person that he is today. Doing it over is not just going to change him, it will change all of the people around him that love him and care about him. In fact some of them might not even exist if he does this

M: Huh?

GM: Everything that you have done, good or bad, has shaped who you are now. There is a plan for you

EM: Oh here we go

GM: There IS a plan for you, and it is not YOUR plan. You have meaning in all that you are, all that you think, all that you feel. Do you really think that going back and trying to do it all over again is a good thing?

EM:  YES!!

M:  Well, I have thought about it in the past, what I would do differently if I had the chance.

GM: Did you think it through to what you would lose if you did?

M: Not really I guess

GM: Do you like where you are now? Do you feel good about the direction that you are headed?

M:  Yes, been a long time since I felt like I had a purpose, a direction

EM: You can find another purpose and an even better direction.

GM: It’s your call Mark.

EM: Don’t blow it man, this is a golden opportunity….

M:  Opportunity for what? To try to change the way I think? Or Feel? What if I make even worse mistakes? I would still be me

EM: But you would be You and still have all this knowledge of the last 37 years.

M: But all that knowledge got me where I am today, and I like where I am so why would I go back and change it?

EM: Umm..

GM:  Hah, evil Mark is speechless

EM: Shut up!

M: I’m gonna pass on becoming a 12 year old again, but thanks anyway for the offer


No Pain, No Change

No pain, no gain? That is the question of the day, do I believe it?

I believe that when it comes to making a change in your life, then yes, there is going to be pain involved. More than likely the pain comes before the change more so than during or after, but why else would you be changing something? If something is working, why change?

Some of us had to feel a lot of pain before we could make any gains, had to hit a bottom of some sort before we realized that our way just wasn’t working. Had to feel complete defeat before we were willing to admit that we needed help, and were willing to accept it.

There is no need for everyone to have to hit rock bottom before they make a change, I understand that and am glad of it. But change has to come from within, changing because someone else wants you to, a partner, a boss, a friend, usually doesn’t work and can lead to resentments. Changing for yourself, not necessarily by yourself, but for yourself is important. We all know what changes we need to make in our lives, most of us look at the change and make the decision on whether to change based on how much pain it is causing us at that moment. If there is pain, there is a chance of change. More pain, more chance of change and more chance of gain. So based on this, I say yes that the phrase “No Pain, No Gain” is absolutely true.

Below are lyrics that I keep coming back to because they just apply so much to my life.

To really feel the joy in life
You must suffer through the pain
When you surrender to the light 
You can face the darkest days

If you open up your eyes
And you put your trust in love
On those cold and endless nights 
You will never be alone

Passion glows within your heart
Like a furnace burning bright 
Until you struggle through the dark
You’ll never know that you’re alive

That’s all I got on change for now, hope everyone has a blessed day



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My Personal Cause

The internet has recently been swept up by the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. Is there a cause — social, political, cultural, or other — you passionately believe in? Tell us how you got involved — or why you don’t get involved.

This was the question for the day. For me, there is really only one cause that I am passionate about. . . .Recovery. I am not ashamed that I am in recovery from an addiction. It was bound to happen. Either recover or die is how I look at it. I am not going to go into horror stories of my addiction or preach that there is only one way to recover, all I can really tell you is that I am very passionate about recovery and willing to go to any lengths to recover and to help others to recover.

To me, the only reason that addiction is a touchy subject is that most people do not understand, or even want to understand about it. That used to bother me, but there really is nothing I can do about those people, except pray for them. Pray for them that they get everything out of life that I want out of life. After all, don’t we ALL want the same thing? To find happiness in our lives? To wake up every day knowing that we serve a purpose? Knowing that there are people out there that do understand us and are willing to help us, with the only caveat being that we be willing to help those that come after us. “Passing it on” is what they call it I believe.

As I write, a lot of my thoughts are directed by what I have learned, and what I am learning every day in recovery and hope to learn the rest of my life. I am not any different than you or anyone else, am no longer terminally unique in thinking that no one else understands. Give them a chance to understand, eventually you will find people that do and that will love you with no strings attached. They ARE out there, just have to be willing to let them help. Sounds easy, harder than hell!

That’s all I got today.

See Ya


Easy or Hard, Choose wisely

It is so easy to just walk away

It is so easy to just turn it off and pretend it isn’t happening

It is so easy to just not talk about something just because it makes me uncomfortable

It is so easy to just pretend that everything is OK

It is so easy to just say “I’ll start tomorrow”

It is so hard to face up to my actions and take responsibility for them

It is so hard to watch and learn and try to understand

It is so hard to share emotions, to show a weakness, to let them see me cry

It is so hard to know that things need to change to actually do something about it

It is so hard to just start now