Tag Archives: answers

Does Spirituality Only Come From Suffering?

Truth About Happiness


Found this Tony Robbins video this morning and posted it on http://www.startsat50.com, wanted to share it here as well

It is about 30 minutes long but is very good (my opinion) and relevant to me

Shameless Plug

10 minutes to write about anything, guess daily prompt’s prompt bucket is empty this month.

Last time it gave me a chance to write about Grandpa Bill which was a blessing for me and my family.

This time…….(starts stop watch….OK, it is an app on my phone)

Been working on something over the past couple weeks in my mind, mostly because that is usually where things start and finish, in my head. I am a terrible procrastinator….or would that make me a good procrastinator. A terrible one would never procrastinate and would act on things and get shit done, right?

Anyway, I started a new web site and since I have 10 minutes to write about whatever I want, I am going to talk about it a little. But then again, why do I need to wait until the daily prompt gives me free time to talk about it?? Am I really that much of a follower? Wow, that’s sad.

No, it’s OK. Everything happens for a reason. Things in my life have been happening for a reason recently and mostly because I try to remove myself from the equation when it comes to letting things happen. Forcing my opinion or my will into situations will usually turn them sour. Learning to live life on life’s terms is what I have been trying to learn over the past 6 months and now it is time to step up my game.

And that is what I am looking to do. I am almost 50 years old and have an opportunity to “start over”. Well, not completely start over because my family is still behind me, but starting over in many other senses.

And that is what I am going to do. I have learned that I love to write. I love to learn. I want to spend the next 50 years (It could happen….maybe) living life, not letting life live me.

Anyway, the timer already is down to a minute, oh damn you prompt people, why couldn’t I have 20 minutes! Wait, I can write more about this on another post? I am not tied down by daily prompt’s parameters? Freedom!!!!

30 seconds left. All kidding aside, the website is http://www.startsat50.com it is a work in progress, you can see my story here

Fastest 10 minutes ever, now moving on….



No Pain, No Change

No pain, no gain? That is the question of the day, do I believe it?

I believe that when it comes to making a change in your life, then yes, there is going to be pain involved. More than likely the pain comes before the change more so than during or after, but why else would you be changing something? If something is working, why change?

Some of us had to feel a lot of pain before we could make any gains, had to hit a bottom of some sort before we realized that our way just wasn’t working. Had to feel complete defeat before we were willing to admit that we needed help, and were willing to accept it.

There is no need for everyone to have to hit rock bottom before they make a change, I understand that and am glad of it. But change has to come from within, changing because someone else wants you to, a partner, a boss, a friend, usually doesn’t work and can lead to resentments. Changing for yourself, not necessarily by yourself, but for yourself is important. We all know what changes we need to make in our lives, most of us look at the change and make the decision on whether to change based on how much pain it is causing us at that moment. If there is pain, there is a chance of change. More pain, more chance of change and more chance of gain. So based on this, I say yes that the phrase “No Pain, No Gain” is absolutely true.

Below are lyrics that I keep coming back to because they just apply so much to my life.

To really feel the joy in life
You must suffer through the pain
When you surrender to the light 
You can face the darkest days

If you open up your eyes
And you put your trust in love
On those cold and endless nights 
You will never be alone

Passion glows within your heart
Like a furnace burning bright 
Until you struggle through the dark
You’ll never know that you’re alive

That’s all I got on change for now, hope everyone has a blessed day



promote my book

The Serenity Tunnel

He was fuming when he got home.

“Don’t talk to me!” he yelled at his wife as he brushed past her in the kitchen.

“Rough day?” she smiled, knowing what was about to happen. “I unlocked the tunnel for you” she said as she turned back to go check on the kids. This was a regular occurrence at night after work, Tom would come home from work and either something happened on the job, or someone in traffic pissed him off, or he was back to being the leader of his self-proclaimed “Itty-Bitty-Shitty Committee” and needed to unload. It had gotten better, at least now he knew that he needed to find his tunnel and go wherever it is that he went. She never went in the tunnel, he had asked her not to and as long as it was working, she respected his wishes.

He would go in the tunnel, mad at the world and would come out relieved and relaxed and ready to be part of the family again, a wonderful part of it. She had asked about where the tunnel had led to several times, but he just told her that it was personal and he wasn’t ready to share it with her, but that some day he would. Maybe today was the day. She would wait for him and ask.

Sure enough, 30 minutes later he came out and was a different man, the one that she fell in love with and loved with all her heart. He came out, apologized to her as usual, hugged and kissed her and asked how her day was. He always wanted to know about her day before he would tell her about his, something he said that he had to do.

“Did you learn that in the tunnel?” she said, somewhat sarcastically.

“Learn what?”

“That you always need to hear about my day before you talk about yours”

“Yup” he said grinning


“Yup. I think it is time.”

“For what?”

“For you to know about my tunnel.”

“You don’t have to do that, I know it is a personal thing that, for whatever reason, helps you.”

“Come on” he said, taking her hand in his and leading her to the door

For some reason she felt nervous, apprehensive, wondering what she was going to see in this tunnel of his. He led her into the door, into complete and total darkness. It was the kind of darkness that one does not know whether their eyes are open or closed. She walked along, holding on tightly to his arm.

“When am I going to be able to see. . .umm. . . .it?”

“You won’t”

“Won’t what?”

“See it”


“You’ll feel it. Come on, hold on to my arm, just a little bit further. Don’t be so nervous, you will love it”

“But Tom, how can I love it if I can’t see. . . . “

At that moment, a feeling came over her like none she had ever felt. A warmth growing from her belly, spreading throughout her entire body, arms and feet tingling, mind no longer worrying or caring about. . . .well, anything. She closed her eyes purposefully and a bright light filled her mind, as if no other thoughts could exist inside her. She realized that she had let go of Tom’s hand and now felt like she was floating in liquid, warm and inviting. She could stay here forever she thought.

What seemed like hours passed, suddenly she realized that she was standing in a dark room

“Tom!!” she yelled

“I’m right here. You OK? Ready to go back?”

“What just happened? That was. . . unreal!” she exclaimed.

“I know, it is what I need to get through most days.” he responded.

“Well, why didn’t you tell me about this before?” she said, feeling a bit of anger and resentment building up against her husband for keeping this to himself.

“He told me that it was not time.” Tom replied.

“He? Who the hell is he?” She demanded.

Suddenly the feeling came back over her, putting her mind at ease and allowing her to float again, or so it seemed. She smiled as she came back to Tom, “I’m sorry, I just don’t understand.”

“I know you don’t, neither did I. I needed to come here every day for a long time to understand that I will never fully understand how this room works. All I know is that it works, and now I can share it with you.”

“Thank you” was all that she could think to say.

As they walked back the way that they came, she put her head on his shoulder and felt more loved than she had ever felt. Felt like no matter what happened the rest of the day, everything would be OK.



“How did you find that place?”

“I don’t know to be honest, something just told me to go through the door and I did. Guess I just got sick and tired of being sick and tired, all the anger in the world, the rat race, not feeling like I was being a good husband to you or a good father to the kids, and something told me to go there and that it would be OK.”

“Who is he?”


“You said that he told you that I wasn’t ready.”

“I never said that you weren’t ready, just that it wasn’t time. Wasn’t time for me to be able to share this with someone else, no matter who they were. That I had been so self-centered and ego driven for so long, that I had to work on me before I could even contemplate helping someone else.”

“Oh. I don’t know what to say. Thank you I guess for picking me” she said.

“There is no one else that I would want to share it with first.” he said and kissed her on the cheek.

“Aww” she started to tear up. “So, are you going to tell me who he is?”

Tom smiled and opened the door so that they could exit the tunnel.

“Sure. . . .He is God.”

Joatmon’s Opus

This is Opus.

I bought a stuffed animal of Opus over 30 years ago and still have him, and do not plan on letting him go.

You see, Me and Opus have been through a lot together. Opus was there in my darkest hours and never left. He’d listen for as long as I needed to talk and still will. Now that is an amazing friend, wouldn’t you say?

Of course, he originally is from the comic strip “Bloom County”, but I found him in one of those thrift shops connected to one of those old time gas stations somewhere in Central Illinois along I-57. Not sure what made me buy him, just saw him on the shelf looking at me and figured that I had to have him.

After I bought him I went back to my car, having just revisited some people at college that I knew from the previous year. See, I had to drop out of college for personal reasons, which at the time I did not understand at all. Was not feeling too good about myself at the time and I guess I needed someone or something, and Opus was there for me.

We went out behind the gas station and watched the sun set over a farmer’s fields, no noises other than birds chirping or squawking or whatever they were doing, just a golden field that stretched out forever it seemed, sun sinking into the horizon leaving such magnificent shades of yellow and orange below a darkening blue sky, I just sat. And sat.

Little did I know that the peaceful feeling that I was feeling at the time was known as Serenity, and just how hard that feeling would be to find again for a long time. I have had glimpses of it over the past 30 years, on my wedding day, the days that my children were born, but it never lasted, through no fault of Opus or anyone else might I add.

I know now that serenity is not “out there”, it is in here (I am pointing at my chest). And it is achievable. I know that now, as long as I keep my way of thinking pointed in the right direction, as long as I am doing the next right indicated thing, as long as I am relying on My Higher Power who I choose to call God, it is achievable.

And I think Opus knew that and was there on the shelf just waiting for me to pick him up.

Living life on life’s terms?

What choice do we have. So many people have so much advice on how everyone should live their life, what about those of us that haven’t really mastered anything, or maybe don’t believe in ourselves enough to showcase it?

Life comes at us 100 mph whether or not we are doing the right thing or we are doing the wrong thing, might as well try to do the right thing…..I used to believe that everyone was laughing at me or making fun of me just because of the way I looked, or the way I acted, so I hid in the corners, in the shadows, never wanting to be the center of attention. So I turned to drugs and alcohol to fit in (no, this is not going to be a blog about recovery, but there will be recovery in it, at least I hope so), and it worked…for a while. Then it stopped working because I got addicted to it. So I got addicted to recovery….and food….and women….and work….and so on and so on.

Seems to me that 30 years have passed and not much has changed in me. Still getting addicted or obsessed with one thing or another and then not know how to move on from that “stinkin’ thinkin'”. I am still searching for that inner peace, for something that is going to make me know that it is all going to be alright. Like I said, getting a lot of advice and praying for some guidance. Maybe I have too much time on my hands right now, or maybe that is what I needed at this point in my life. I dunno!

I have admitted that I am powerless over alcohol, food, work, sex, etc…. and that my life has become unmanageable and am currently working a 12 step program, (which is where I hear that it is GOING TO GET BETTER) but I feel empty inside.

Anyway, that is where my head is right now, I am hoping to find something by doing this, who knows, maybe someone will read it and have the answer I am looking for 🙂

See Ya