Tag Archives: acceptance

A Learning Experience – More Thoughts for January 8th, 2015

Begin_a_New_Life

I will look on all things with love and I will be born again.
I will love the sun for it warms my bones; yet I will love the rain for it cleanses my spirit.
I will love the light for it shows me the way; yet I will love the darkness for it shows me the stars.
I will welcome happiness for it enlarges my heart; yet I will endure sadness for it opens my soul.
I will acknowledge rewards for they are my due; yet I will welcome obstacles for they are my challenge.
Og Mandino – from “The Greatest Salesman In The World”

Every day I need to remember these things. Every day I need to get out of myself and learn to love others more, and get out of myself less.
Today I was all wrapped up in myself, things just didn’t go my way today and I made myself miserable all day. What was the point of doing that?
It is all about ego, it is all about thinking that I had everything figured out and then when an obstacle came along, well it just messed up everything for a while.
I know better than that, yet there I was, sitting in my own self-pity, wondering what was the point of all my hard work if someone could come along and just take away what I had been building? Well they can’t! I can’t let them.
I knew better.
I guess life is just that way sometimes. It is learning to adapt. Learning to not let outside forces come in and take away my serenity. Learning that no matter what, sometimes things just don’t go my way.
Every obstacle is a learning opportunity, an opportunity to grow and be able to be ready to handle adversity the next time it happens. It is also a big reminder that I still have a LOT to learn about a LOT of things and that I need to make sure that I am teachable, that doing things my way in spite of what others tell me is not a good idea. What is the point of learning from people that have already been through what I am going through if I am not going to apply it in my own life? There is no point. That is what EGO is all about.
Not sure if patience is the right word to ask for, but I know that acceptance is.
I will learn, I will grow, I will succeed. I WILL!
Enjoy your day
Mark Eaves


10 Minutes From My Heart

10 minutes to write about anything……

When I started this blog a couple months ago, I was trying to figure some stuff out. Was trying to figure out what direction that I needed to go, and to figure out why I do the things I do. Well it seems to me that all I have been doing on here is responding to the daily prompt, and even though I really enjoy writing, that just doesn’t seem to be enough for me.

I love writing, I never knew how much until I started writing and sharing on a daily basis. I would love to make a living writing but have not figured that part out just yet. I know that I want to keep writing, but I also have responsibilities to take care of. I do have Faith that everything is going to work out, but it won’t unless I keep moving forward.

Not real sure where I am going with this, but I figured that I would just write what was in my heart at the time. I have started a new venture and it is scary, and frustrating but I feel in my heart that it is the path that I need to take. Life doesn’t wait around for us, it keeps happening no matter what. I lay awake some nights in bed doubting myself, doubting my ability to make this work. But I have to remind myself that God has always helped me through everything, even when I did my best to screw things up. I just have to let Him, and that is what I am working on.

I am not ashamed to say that I believe in God, He is my higher power and I rely on his Grace to get me through most days. I don’t have issues with people of other beliefs, but I am not going to hide mine just because I am afraid it is going to offend someone. When I ask for help, good things happen. Yet I keep trying to do things on my own, keep thinking I can do this myself.

I Can’t

He Can

Let HIM!

I am going to keep plugging away at things, going to keep doing the little things that helped to get me to this point. Just want to take care of my family and to help other people that are going through the same issues that I went through, that is what I want out of life. Everything else is just fluff as far as I am concerned.

My ten minutes are almost up, if you haven’t checked out my new website, it is http://startsat50.com/

Gotta start somewhere, and the time is NOW

Thanks for reading

Mark


Heart Not On My Sleeve

I am told that I hide my happiness just a little too much, that I give off some kind of vibe that something is wrong. Up until recently, they were usually right. I am not one to wear my heart on my sleeve, and I really don’t think I ever will. “I am laughing. . . .inside. . .where it counts” was my standard answer to pretty much every concern that came my way about my happiness.

Well, what exactly is happiness? Ask 100 people and you would probably get 100 answers. It is a personal state of mind that each of us is allowed to feel uniquely. No one can tell you how to be happy, although most will try.

Do material things make me happy? Not going to lie, sometimes they do. But not enough to live off of. In the end, they are just stuff. Stuff goes away eventually. I really enjoy driving my son’s Mustang, but if I never get to drive it again, that would be OK too.

Does family make me happy? Yes, being with family can make me happy. But still not enough. I love my family and appreciate them now more than ever, as they are the only ones that stuck with me this past year when everything else crumbled around me. I am including those handful of friends that also stuck with me, as they are family to me now. But I cannot live off of that happiness alone. I feel loved by them and that is so important to me, but that is not enough.

So what makes me happy? In my opinion, the only thing that can make me happy is me. Let me explain. I never really liked myself that much. I tolerated myself, but never liked who I was. I have done some bad things in my life, but I am sure we all have. And as bad as I thought that I was, I blamed everything and anything for making me that way. My mind was full of a bunch of “If Only’s.”

If Only I had more money. . . .

If Only I could lose more weight. . . .

If Only people would behave the way that I thought that they should behave. . . .

If Only. . . . . .

I would set my wants on such a pedestal that they were impossible to achieve, so then I could justify my anger and my self-pity which then justified my self-destructing actions. It is a vicious cycle that I have lived on for far too long. I needed help and I am getting it.

There is so much good in the world, we just can’t see it through all the negativity. Yes, a lot of bad things are happening in the world and depending on who you talk to, the world just might be coming to an end. I see it all the time on the news,  or in blogs or comments on them. See it on social media, even have seen it in church.

I was one of those people too, everything was negative and so my world turned out negative. We reap what we sow.

Tell a mother holding her new born child that the world sucks.

Tell a father who just watched his child get his first home run or score his first touchdown that the world sucks.

Tell a teenager who just had their first kiss with the boy or girl of their dreams that the world sucks.

Even if it is just for that one moment, the world doesn’t suck. To me, that is what happiness is. Those moments in life that make you feel good down to your soul. They happen all the time, unfortunately most of us are too busy to notice or too emotionally unstable to realize them, but they are there. The key to me is letting them happen and then seeing them multiply in my life. Being able to look at myself in the mirror and know that I did the best I could, and even if I didn’t, it is not too late to start.

So if you happen to see me in the future and I am not smiling or do not seem happy, there is a good chance that I really am. But thanks for thinking of me.

Respectfully

Mark


The Great Debate

Evil Mark:  Hey, did you see? You have a chance to be 12 again, but know all that you know now

Good Mark:  Wait, what?

Mark:  Huh?

EM: That is what it says, you can be transformed into a 12 year old body and live life the way that you always wanted

M:  Really? That’s, umm…

GM: Don’t do it!

EM:  Why the hell not? He could do all the things that he should have done, erase all the mistakes that he made and make something of himself

GM: But he is something now

M:  Yeah, wait…um…thanks?

EM:  You know what I mean. He would know how to handle all the crap that came along

GM: You mean life?

EM: What?

GM: All that crap that came along defines who we are today.

EM:  Whatever, he could be someone totally different. He could be even better than he could have ever dreamed of

GM: You really think so?

EM:  Sure, why not. And along the way he can get even with all the people that hurt him, that made his life as screwed up as it became.

GM: There it is

EM: There what is?! I’m just saying that this is his chance for redemption

GM: You mean revenge?

EM: Whatever. It would be good for him

M: Guys, I’m right here

EM: We’ll get to you in a minute. All those coulda-woulda-shoulda moments, could be handled differently

GM: Why?

EM: What do you mean why? So that he could do better

GM: I like him the way he is

M:  Umm….thanks

EM: Yeah, yeah. He’s a nice guy and all, but you have to admit, he made a lot of mistakes in his life

GM: Who hasn’t?

EM: You’re missing the point.

GM: No, actually you are missing the point. We are all defined by our thoughts and actions. He had to go through all the mistakes, all the heartache, all the hurt, all the loneliness, all the irresponsibility, all the self-righteous….

M: OK

GM: immature behavior, all the self-centered, center of the world thinking, all the…

M: I think he gets it

GM: self imposed inadequate thinking

M: STOP already…..!!

GM: To be the person that he is today. Doing it over is not just going to change him, it will change all of the people around him that love him and care about him. In fact some of them might not even exist if he does this

M: Huh?

GM: Everything that you have done, good or bad, has shaped who you are now. There is a plan for you

EM: Oh here we go

GM: There IS a plan for you, and it is not YOUR plan. You have meaning in all that you are, all that you think, all that you feel. Do you really think that going back and trying to do it all over again is a good thing?

EM:  YES!!

M:  Well, I have thought about it in the past, what I would do differently if I had the chance.

GM: Did you think it through to what you would lose if you did?

M: Not really I guess

GM: Do you like where you are now? Do you feel good about the direction that you are headed?

M:  Yes, been a long time since I felt like I had a purpose, a direction

EM: You can find another purpose and an even better direction.

GM: It’s your call Mark.

EM: Don’t blow it man, this is a golden opportunity….

M:  Opportunity for what? To try to change the way I think? Or Feel? What if I make even worse mistakes? I would still be me

EM: But you would be You and still have all this knowledge of the last 37 years.

M: But all that knowledge got me where I am today, and I like where I am so why would I go back and change it?

EM: Umm..

GM:  Hah, evil Mark is speechless

EM: Shut up!

M: I’m gonna pass on becoming a 12 year old again, but thanks anyway for the offer

 


My Personal Cause

The internet has recently been swept up by the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. Is there a cause — social, political, cultural, or other — you passionately believe in? Tell us how you got involved — or why you don’t get involved.

This was the question for the day. For me, there is really only one cause that I am passionate about. . . .Recovery. I am not ashamed that I am in recovery from an addiction. It was bound to happen. Either recover or die is how I look at it. I am not going to go into horror stories of my addiction or preach that there is only one way to recover, all I can really tell you is that I am very passionate about recovery and willing to go to any lengths to recover and to help others to recover.

To me, the only reason that addiction is a touchy subject is that most people do not understand, or even want to understand about it. That used to bother me, but there really is nothing I can do about those people, except pray for them. Pray for them that they get everything out of life that I want out of life. After all, don’t we ALL want the same thing? To find happiness in our lives? To wake up every day knowing that we serve a purpose? Knowing that there are people out there that do understand us and are willing to help us, with the only caveat being that we be willing to help those that come after us. “Passing it on” is what they call it I believe.

As I write, a lot of my thoughts are directed by what I have learned, and what I am learning every day in recovery and hope to learn the rest of my life. I am not any different than you or anyone else, am no longer terminally unique in thinking that no one else understands. Give them a chance to understand, eventually you will find people that do and that will love you with no strings attached. They ARE out there, just have to be willing to let them help. Sounds easy, harder than hell!

That’s all I got today.

See Ya

Mark


2 Blogs

I have two blogs. Not a big deal, many people have more than one blog so in no way am I special, different or terminally unique. I just wanted to explain why I am doing it, mostly to remind me of what I had tried to commit myself to and maybe kick start my brain again, complacency sucks!

This blog, joatmon14, is just about figuring things out and trying to make sense out of life, a little bit at a time. In case you didn’t know, joatmon is not my real name. My name is Mark, nice to meet ya! joatmon is an acronym for Jack Of All Trades Master Of None. See, I have always known a little bit about a lot of things (humility still in check), never really knew a lot about anything. Of course this is just my opinion here, plus I have been using this acronym for a while now and it is fun watching my kids roll their eyes, they seem to do that at me a lot these days. I probably am just noticing more, BECAUSE I am around more these days.

Life has a funny way of straightening people out, not going to go into any details, but I had to make a change in the way I was living or I was going to die, and probably die alone. Not looking for sympathy or pats on the back or any negative remarks, just stating a fact. It took this series of events to help to show me what is important in life. I found out that I really enjoy writing. It is therapeutic for me, so I am going to keep doing it. I am not much of a talker, but I am definitely a thinker and I needed a way to get all these thoughts out of my head and writing seems to be what is working for me today.

Wow, more than I had planned to share at this point, but oh well. Oh, and the 14 after joatmon, that is just in recognition of my hero and favorite baseball player, Ernie Banks who wore number 14 for the Chicago Cubs. Because of this, I wore number 14 in my little league career.

OK, the “other” blog and actually the reason I had decided that I wanted to start a blog. It is called “An Ignorant View”. The premise behind it was this, I would go on Google News and look at the top news story, take exactly one hour, read as much as I can about the subject and then write a post FORMING MY OWN OPINION. See, I have always had a hard time forming opinions, I would listen to different sides of conversations and ended up agreeing with both sides, I was the COMPROMISER. I decided that I need to have an opinion, not that my opinion would be right, but it would be mine. I was tired of being in dead end conversations to where it would get to that place of an awkward silence and would end. I call it “ignorant view” because for the most part I have kept myself pretty ignorant on most subjects. Keep in mind that ignorance is just a lack of knowledge on a subject, not any indication of stupidity. Again, I knew a little bit about a bunch of things, but not much about anything (see where joatmon fits in here too?).

I wrote this entry mostly as a way to get myself back onto something that I wanted to do, and then moved away from. Needed a kick myself in the butt a little bit to move forward. Down below are some links to previous posts I did in An Ignorant View. What I would really love is a way to start conversations by people leaving comments to help me learn more, to question my opinion and have two way dialogue without the awkward silence.

Ignorant View

This is the link to my second blog, if any of this interests you at all, check it out and let me know what you think. I promise that there will be a new post today, as I have not posted there in too long.

See Ya

Mark