Monthly Archives: September 2014

No More Snoopy

I love Snoopy.

I chose him as my picture when I first joined WordPress

snoopy

Mostly because I never liked looking at my own picture. Kind of the same thing as listening to my own voice, never seems right. Or not how I imagined it or imaged it as it were.

Well, since I have committed to “starting over at 50” I figured it was time to stop hiding and just be me. As Popeye would say, “I Yam what I Yam”

So, without further ado and allowing time for all of you to brace yourself…..Here I am in all of my glory

WIN_20140929_132017Not too scary.

Talk soon

Mark


Self-Diagnosis – Step 1

Sig Freud AHoles


Does it Matter?

Sometimes I wonder what the difference is, fact or fiction.

Sometimes what was in my mind, and only in my mind, was as real as could be.

A story is a story, whether it is true or false. If it is a good story, then does it matter?

2 examples:

Young man sits in his room, wondering what is going to happen next. He had already written a good bye letter to his parents and held it in the mail slot, it slipped from his fingers and he knew that it meant the end. That he could not go on living after that. So he sits and stares at the two bottles of sleeping pills that he had walked to the store in the middle of the night just to purchase. No one said anything as he checked out at the store, no one stopped him as he walked back to his room in a drunken stupor, knowing that he was doomed. Life had spun completely out of control for him, he had alienated all of his friends, had lied to his family so that they would not worry about him, and he had now been stealing from others just to try to sustain his chosen lifestyle. He was trapped in a world of lies and did not know how to get out of it. . . . . .

Young man sits in his room watching the clock, waiting for the mail carrier to arrive to deliver the letter that he had been waiting for, the one that was going to change his life forever. This time he knew that it was going to turn out OK. He had worked so hard for this opportunity and just knew that he was going to be accepted this time. All the struggles and hard work was going to pay off for him, all the time away from his family and friends in this lonely place, was all going to pay off now. He had worked several jobs so that he could put money away so that when this chance came, he was going to be ready. He heard the mail truck pull up outside and sprung to his feet. Before the mail could be put in the box, he was there asking for it with a big, hopeful smile on his face. It was there, the letter that was going to change his life. He held it out, reading the name on the envelope. Taking a deep breathe, he slid one finger under the flap and started to open it . . . .

Two stories, one of them fiction, one of them non-fiction. I’ll let you decide which one is which. My point is that if a story is good, whether it is fiction or non-fiction, then it is worth reading. That is my take on the Daily Prompt asking if we like Fiction or Non-Fiction books and why. I love to read and I love a great story, period.

Have a great Monday

Mark


Too Much? Nah

“Perhaps too much of everything is as bad as too little.” – Edna Ferber

When is enough enough?

When does it cross over into too much?

Can you ever really have too much money? I honestly don’t think so. Money is not the root of all evil, it is THE LOVE OF MONEY that is. I hear all the time how it is not fair that athletes make so much money or that actors are too overpaid. The way I see it is that they have a skill set that can command a HUGE paycheck, that is their right.

If you don’t like the fact that the cast members on “Big Bang Theory” are now making $1 million per show, then DON’T WATCH THE DANG SHOW. Don’t complain about it and then tune in every Monday night at 8!

Same thing goes with athletes, if it bothers you that much that they are able to make tens of millions of dollars per year playing a game, then don’t watch the games or go to the games or let your kids play the games. But don’t complain about it and then order your favorite players jersey!

Can you ever get too much love? Is there such a thing as too much kindness? Too much giving?

Of course there are things that are negative when you have too much. Too much sugar in your diet is not good for you. Too much sitting on your ass with little or no exercise is not good for you. Excessive selfishness is not good.

The way I see it is that we all have different wants and needs. It is usually envy or jealously that make us hate people that have “too much”. Some of us don’t need that much and after years of chasing too much have come to the realization that we really only need certain things to live. A roof over our heads, love of family and friends, and a little bit of serenity.

Now if along the way I am able to acquire some things that are nice, just don’t hate me for it.

Peace

Mark


To Who(m) it May Concern

If I was given the opportunity to send a message to anyone that I normally would not have access to

Would I

  • send it to the president or some other world leader to get answers to what the hell is really going on in the world. What the ulterior motives are in all of the craziness I read about every morning. Get answers to some of the questions that I have.
  • send it to a sports hero of mine just to be able to talk about their career, and to let them know how much I admire their accomplishments.
  • send it to someone that started a movement or organization many years ago that has grown exponentially to find out what inspired them to start it, and to find out what it means to them knowing how large it has become
  • send it to someone that invented something many years ago, it amazes me to think of all the inventions from back in the 1800’s by people that were way ahead of their time in their thinking.
  • send it to Jesus, just to be able to sit and talk to him for a while

All of these would be cool, but I decided that I would rather send it to someone that has lived a full life, someone that I would be able to talk to and who would actually be willing to sit and talk to me for as long as I needed to. I decided that I would send the note to someone that understands that life is not always fair, to someone that I could always count on no matter how bad, or good, things got. Someone that I never got the chance to tell them to their face how much I appreciated them.

To me, this was a no brainer. So here it goes:

Dear Dad…….


Shameless Plug

10 minutes to write about anything, guess daily prompt’s prompt bucket is empty this month.

Last time it gave me a chance to write about Grandpa Bill which was a blessing for me and my family.

This time…….(starts stop watch….OK, it is an app on my phone)

Been working on something over the past couple weeks in my mind, mostly because that is usually where things start and finish, in my head. I am a terrible procrastinator….or would that make me a good procrastinator. A terrible one would never procrastinate and would act on things and get shit done, right?

Anyway, I started a new web site and since I have 10 minutes to write about whatever I want, I am going to talk about it a little. But then again, why do I need to wait until the daily prompt gives me free time to talk about it?? Am I really that much of a follower? Wow, that’s sad.

No, it’s OK. Everything happens for a reason. Things in my life have been happening for a reason recently and mostly because I try to remove myself from the equation when it comes to letting things happen. Forcing my opinion or my will into situations will usually turn them sour. Learning to live life on life’s terms is what I have been trying to learn over the past 6 months and now it is time to step up my game.

And that is what I am looking to do. I am almost 50 years old and have an opportunity to “start over”. Well, not completely start over because my family is still behind me, but starting over in many other senses.

And that is what I am going to do. I have learned that I love to write. I love to learn. I want to spend the next 50 years (It could happen….maybe) living life, not letting life live me.

Anyway, the timer already is down to a minute, oh damn you prompt people, why couldn’t I have 20 minutes! Wait, I can write more about this on another post? I am not tied down by daily prompt’s parameters? Freedom!!!!

30 seconds left. All kidding aside, the website is http://www.startsat50.com it is a work in progress, you can see my story here

Fastest 10 minutes ever, now moving on….

Peace

Mark


The Talk

Just say what you want to say.” Arnold proclaimed.

“It’s not that big of a deal, just something I noticed, but probably not my place” Jim responded.

“Come on man, how long we been friends? 10 years! Nothing you can say about me is going to hurt me. We all need constructive criticism once in a while to keep on the straight and narrow, right?” said Arnold.

“I guess.”

“So just spit it out my friend. I can take it.” Arnold said confidently

“OK. If you’re sure.” Arnold nodded affirmatively. “Since you left the firm, you have really let yourself go. You were always looking sharp, working out, really on top of your game. But now, well…..not so much. You OK?”

“Umm….yeah. I’m fine. Guess I might have put on a few pounds.” Arnold looks down at his protruding belly and rubs it a little.

“And your hair.” Jim continued, “looks like you haven’t cut it in months. And did you get new deodorant or something? You smell. . . umm. . . .different.” Jim ended with a scrunched up nose as he said the last part.

“Well. . .I guess I haven’t been paying as much attention to myself as I used to. Been a little rough since the firm and I parted ways.”

“I’m sorry man, I sho…” Jim started to say but was cut off by Arnold

“Nope. You’re right. I need to get my shit together again. Need to start over, get back on the horse. Thanks Jim, I really appreciate your candor. Most people would have never said a word to my face, but maybe that is what I needed to get going again.”

“OK. Man, it really doesn’t matter to me what you look like, we’re friends, right?” Jim asked

“Yeah….of course. Gonna get going now” Arnold looks down at his belly, patting it gently and smiling “Gots to go take care of this.”

Jim walked away wondering if he should have said anything to Arnold, but if a friend can’t be honest with a friend, then who can. Dropping subtle hints over the past few weeks sure did not seem to help. Arnold’s wife had asked Patty if Jim could talk to him because she was worried about Arnold being depressed. Against Jim’s better judgment, he agreed to talk to him. Patty encouraged Jim to just be brutally honest, “pussyfooting around the issues doesn’t help.”

By the time Jim got home, he was feeling pretty good about his conversation with Arnold. Maybe getting involved wasn’t such a bad thing, maybe the girls were right. Better coming from him than someone else who didn’t care about Arnold.

“I’m home” he proclaimed as he walked into the kitchen.

Patty sat at the kitchen table talking on the phone, holding a finger up in the air, indicating that she needed him to stay there and wait for her conversation to end. Jim stood and leaned against the kitchen counter as his wife listened intently to whoever it was on the line. Finally she placed the phone down on the table and just shook her head.

“What’s up?” Jim asked

“What the hell did you say to Arnold?”

“What?”

“Did you tell him that he smelled?” she asked

“No….well….maybe”

“Seriously? Why would you do that?”

“You asked me to. You and Patty sat right there and listed all of the things that were wrong with Arnold and asked me to talk to him before he had completely let himself go.” Jim responded.

“But you weren’t supposed to tell him what we were saying, it was supposed to come from you. Guy to guy, man to man.” she said.

“But. . . ”

And now Arnold is all pissed off and feeling sorry for himself, bought a gallon of ice cream and some bon bons and has locked himself in the basement.”

“Bon Bons?” Jim snorted as he tried to subdue laughter.

“It is not funny. You really screwed up on this one. Asked you to do one simple thing and you just made it worse. Thanks for nothing!” she fumed as she stormed out of the kitchen.

Jim just stood there with an incredulous look on his face. “And this is why I don’t get involved…..”


Grandpa Bill

Seems like nobody was impressed with the daily prompt this morning, where it just asked us to write about anything we want for exactly 10 minutes. I am kind of glad it did. Below is a post that my beautiful wife put on Facebook this morning from up near Detroit. I know that Michelle is going to read this because she reads all of my posts but I have already gotten permission from her to write about anything because “we have nothing to hide.”

Michelle Habedank Eaves
My awesome grandfather Frederick Adler passed away early this morning. He was at peace. He was 97 and earned a lot of medals in World War 2 but he was awarded a bronze star for saving the lives of 2 or 3 of his guys amidst gun fire from the enemy. He was my hero. Thank you for all of your prayers. They were truly felt and greatly appreciated. I love all of you.
Grandpa Bill was a great guy, always there with a witty comment that just made everyone laugh out loud. He loved his family and they loved him and always will. I know that my wife is very sad right now and wishes that she could have been there at the nursing home when he moved on, but I promise that Grandpa knew that she was there. God was and is with him and has him in his arms and has probably already reunited him with his wife and their daughter up in heaven and I am pretty sure that they are having macaroni, cheese and tomatoes for dinner tonight.
Grandpa was a war hero, he was a hero to everyone of us that enjoys our freedom in America, but he never liked to talk about it. What amazing humility in my opinion. I am very thankful that I was able to have him a part of my life for the last 20 years and I promise that I will do everything in my power to take care of his precious granddaughter and his great-grandkids, just like he took care of his own.
Michelle, I love you and I will see you very soon. This timer is going much faster than I thought it would. 10 minutes seems like forever until you only have 10 minutes to do something.
Anyway, my prayers are up in Fraser, Michigan today and it would mean a lot to me for the people of Blogopolis to be able to send theirs up to the family as well. If not, that’s OK too.
Time is up, went way too fast. Kind of a metaphor for life, huh?
Leaving you with a picture of Michelle and Grandpa Bill.
Love to all
Mark
Michelle and Grandpa

Heart Not On My Sleeve

I am told that I hide my happiness just a little too much, that I give off some kind of vibe that something is wrong. Up until recently, they were usually right. I am not one to wear my heart on my sleeve, and I really don’t think I ever will. “I am laughing. . . .inside. . .where it counts” was my standard answer to pretty much every concern that came my way about my happiness.

Well, what exactly is happiness? Ask 100 people and you would probably get 100 answers. It is a personal state of mind that each of us is allowed to feel uniquely. No one can tell you how to be happy, although most will try.

Do material things make me happy? Not going to lie, sometimes they do. But not enough to live off of. In the end, they are just stuff. Stuff goes away eventually. I really enjoy driving my son’s Mustang, but if I never get to drive it again, that would be OK too.

Does family make me happy? Yes, being with family can make me happy. But still not enough. I love my family and appreciate them now more than ever, as they are the only ones that stuck with me this past year when everything else crumbled around me. I am including those handful of friends that also stuck with me, as they are family to me now. But I cannot live off of that happiness alone. I feel loved by them and that is so important to me, but that is not enough.

So what makes me happy? In my opinion, the only thing that can make me happy is me. Let me explain. I never really liked myself that much. I tolerated myself, but never liked who I was. I have done some bad things in my life, but I am sure we all have. And as bad as I thought that I was, I blamed everything and anything for making me that way. My mind was full of a bunch of “If Only’s.”

If Only I had more money. . . .

If Only I could lose more weight. . . .

If Only people would behave the way that I thought that they should behave. . . .

If Only. . . . . .

I would set my wants on such a pedestal that they were impossible to achieve, so then I could justify my anger and my self-pity which then justified my self-destructing actions. It is a vicious cycle that I have lived on for far too long. I needed help and I am getting it.

There is so much good in the world, we just can’t see it through all the negativity. Yes, a lot of bad things are happening in the world and depending on who you talk to, the world just might be coming to an end. I see it all the time on the news,  or in blogs or comments on them. See it on social media, even have seen it in church.

I was one of those people too, everything was negative and so my world turned out negative. We reap what we sow.

Tell a mother holding her new born child that the world sucks.

Tell a father who just watched his child get his first home run or score his first touchdown that the world sucks.

Tell a teenager who just had their first kiss with the boy or girl of their dreams that the world sucks.

Even if it is just for that one moment, the world doesn’t suck. To me, that is what happiness is. Those moments in life that make you feel good down to your soul. They happen all the time, unfortunately most of us are too busy to notice or too emotionally unstable to realize them, but they are there. The key to me is letting them happen and then seeing them multiply in my life. Being able to look at myself in the mirror and know that I did the best I could, and even if I didn’t, it is not too late to start.

So if you happen to see me in the future and I am not smiling or do not seem happy, there is a good chance that I really am. But thanks for thinking of me.

Respectfully

Mark


Inner Ugliness

Absolute beauty. The beauty within all of us. The ability to see past the sometimes gross exterior to see someone or something’s worth. Perspective, that is what it is all about.

My perspective? I try to look for the good in people, sometimes to a fault. Sometimes to where I would end up getting hurt over it. I believe there is good in all people, unfortunately it can often be buried deep, deep, deep beneath some ugliness. Not necessarily outward ugliness, but under inner ugliness. The inner ugliness that comes from believing everything that one reads. From believing what others say about you or what they say about others. From putting other people upon a pedestal, thereby setting yourself up to be hurt because no one should have to live up to your expectations, that just isn’t fair to them.

There is so much beauty in the world, a sunset over a lake, children playing in the park, leaves turning to their fall colors, the unknowing smile of a baby to a knowing smile of the elderly. Nature itself is an amazing spectacle to be seen. Watching a spider, which most people do not think of as beautiful, build a spider web. It is amazing to watch the art work of this creature regardless of people’s feelings toward it. See a spider, squash it! That is what I usually hear. Trying watching one once when it is busy doing what it does naturally, it is an amazing creature.

Weeds, we all hate them, but left to grow they can create some amazing scenery.

So in answer to the question posed this morning, is all beauty contingent on a subjective point of view? My answer is that I hope so. If I have to believe that something or someone is beautiful because someone else says it is, then that is a world that I do not want to live in. I have seen and felt inner ugliness, and I do not want to ever go back to it. Life has too much to offer, I refuse to sit back and feel sorry for myself because everyone else says that the world is no good. I do not believe that and will not believe it.

Enjoy your day

Mark