I have asked myself that many, many times over the years and up until 6 months ago, my answer unequivocally would have been yes, without hesitation.
Ain’t it funny how things change? How lives change? How priorities change?
So asking me this question today my answer would be, no, I would not go back and work for someone else. In the past 6 months I have learned more about myself than I did in the first 49 years of my existence. I have learned that the life I was living was very destructive to both myself and to those around me. I worked to escape from reality. I don’t have to escape from reality any more, I don’t WANT to escape from reality any more.
What would I do with my free time? Well yesterday I wrote about the cause that I am passionate about, if you missed it, HERE is the link. I would spend time helping people that struggled like I did, people that had given up on life, on hope, on being able to love or feel loved. It is what I need to do in order for me to thrive and survive in this world. It is one of my passions now.
I would write, and write, and write. I would read, and read, and read.
But mostly I would be there for the people in my life that truly love me, and that I truly love. My family first and foremost, but also the handful of friends that have proven that they care about me and want what is best for me and do not expect anything in return other than my friendship, which I am more than happy to give them now that I am learning how to be a friend. I would be there for all of the people that have helped me over the past 6 months in recovery from my addictions and that have freely given of themselves so that I can get better, and all they ask in return is that I be there for someone else that needs help. The lump in my chest is growing as I am typing these words, it is a good lump.
I enjoy the lump. I want the lump to stick around, and I know now that it can and will if I do what I have been taught and apply them to my life on a daily basis. I love my lump. I hope everyone reading finds their inner lump, or has already found it and is feeling it right now. It can be found right below the throat area, right above the bone in your chest.
Anyone else feeling lumpy today?