This Time?

He sits alone, thinking, wondering.

‘It seems so simple. Seems like it is common sense.’

‘Then why is it so hard sometimes. Why can’t I just say the things I want to say and just do the things I want to do, the things that I know that I should do.’

He shakes his head and looks up, his flight is delayed by an hour. He holds a book in his hands but he isn’t reading it. He is thinking, wondering.

‘I need to change, I need to do things differently. I could be doing so much more if I tried, I know that. I could be a better husband, a better father, a better son, a better person.’

The voice over the loudspeaker announces that flight 1356 will be boarding in 20 minutes.

‘Finally. I hate traveling. No, I hate inconveniences. I hate when things don’t go the way they are supposed to. But who am I to complain, have I done things the way that they are supposed to?’

He shakes his head and looks at his hands, fingertips touching, he starts to move his thumbs in small circles.

‘There I go again, wanting everything done my way. That seems to be the problem, then when things don’t happen that way, I get disappointed and hurt. I keep reading about self-pity, not sure what that is about, it’s not me, it’s them. . . .right?’

A small child runs past him screaming in joy, chasing his ball that he is tossing with his Grandpa. The man smiles at the child remembering when his kids were that age.

‘Life is so simple kid, keep it that way as long as you can.’

He looks around at all the faces in the terminal, most of them with a blank expression, some look angry or upset and only a handful look happy, are smiling.

‘Why is that?’ he wonders. ‘Why are there so many unhappy people? Everyone takes everything for granted these days, we have so much but appreciate so little.’

A feeling rises up in his chest, a growing warmth that rises up to the base of his neck. It feels like, well, pride.

‘It’s time to do something about this. I’m tired of just getting by, tired of just trying to get through each day as if it was all that hard. Tired of feeling sorry for myself, tired of not telling the people that I love how I really feel. . . .just tired.’

He can feel the warmth getting stronger inside him, it feels so good.

‘This time I’m going to do it, starting right. . . .’

A nasally voice comes over the loud speaker, “Now boarding all passengers for flight 1356, please proceed to the podium.”

He jumps up, grabs his carry on and rushes to get on before all these other greedy people take all the overhead bin space, all thoughts are gone, as is that warm feeling inside….

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About joatmon14

Man in recovery from everything, looking for a little help, inspiration and direction.... Have spent the last 25 years working in big business, getting lost in all the chaos, not feeling like what I did mattered. By no means am I a professional writer nor do I even think I am that good, but it is something I love to do. Getting lost in a world of words, even for just a little while is why I started my blogs. In reality, at the age of 49 I am trying to find my voice. To find my passion. Maybe starting a little late, but better late than never. I write for me, I enjoy reading other's thoughts very much as well and look forward to the day that I can hold an extended, intelligent, meaningful conversation with YOU View all posts by joatmon14

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