One of the worst feelings I know is to be in a room full of people, and feel completely alone
However, one of the best feelings I know is to be in a room with no other people, and NOT to feel alone at all!
When I am writing or even thinking about writing, I do not feel alone. Even though I just started actually writing a couple weeks ago, it is something that I feel that I need to do. I am sure I am not the only one to feel this way either. I am not good with spoken word, I get flustered, tongue tied, or am afraid that what I say will either turn someone away or bore them to death, or just make them not like me for some reason.
I am terrible at maintaining a conversation, but I so want to have them. It is that awkward pause that gets me every time, you know that time when you just look at each other and then lose eye contact, knowing that it is not going to come back so you just stop talking. I know that it is me and that it is something that I need to work at and I will….in time.
As I have said before, I am not good at talking, but I have a lot to say. This world has so much to give and I plan on getting what is mine, and hopefully leaving something of myself for someone else. I can’t really get it, unless I give it away. I have grown up being selfish, self-centered and egotistical and still am, but am working on that too.
I haven’t written in a few days as I spent the weekend at a very spiritual convention listening to some awesome speakers share with a lot of people that share a common bond. I missed it, guess I felt the need to try to get back in the swing of things. Even if no one ever reads what I am writing, it feels so good to get it out, to let the feelings out of the steel trap that I call my head and be able to move on to other thoughts. Like many of the people behind the blogs that I read regularly, my head can be a very scary place at times and I really think that it is OK, as long as I am channeling my thoughts out and trying to do something constructive with them.
Just needed to get this out….