It was a good week, yet why is it that I focus on anything that went wrong instead of everything that went right? Son graduated, went to a baseball game with my kids, caught a foul ball and then gave it to a little kid whose smile made it worthwhile, helped someone from being stuck in a homeless shelter to find a place to stay until he can get back on his feet, woke up every day (which we take for granted) and yet it is the negative things that drive me or preoccupy most of my thinking.
Thinking sucks, and it usually gets me in trouble. Left to my own devices I am not a good person. I am a selfish, egocentric, lazy son of a biscuit. Am working on not being left to my own devices but it is hard. I remember those days when I was a kid and all I had to worry about was which ball field we were going to play, or who had the bat and ball that we could use or finding enough kids to field 2 teams….making sure there was air in my tires so that I could ride my bike where I wanted to go. Keeping an eye on the street lights so that I knew what time I had to head home so that I would be able to do it all over tomorrow. If it were only that simple today.
Was reading a book yesterday while my daughter and her friend were ice skating called “Easier Than You Think, because life doesn’t have to be so hard” by Richard Carlson, (Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff), was actually at the public library which I thoroughly enjoyed being at, but that is another subject that I’ll get to another time (hopefully). Basically what I got out of it was that we tend to complicate pretty much EVERYTHING. We beat ourselves up because we are not what we want to be. Instead of learning to do some little things (remember “Baby Steps” from What About Bob….I love Bill Murray) and then building on them, we tend to go all out knowing that we are not going to be as successful as we want to be so we stop. Be it losing weight, improving a relationship, WRITING in a blog, etc…
Day to day our moods change, maybe even hour to hour, yet life is not changing that much from one mood to another, so what is causing this? Certainly not life, because it still is happening, it is the space between my ears. Learning how to deal with things on a daily or hourly basis. I think they call them coping skills. So instead of setting ourselves up to fail by establishing unattainable goals so that we can feel the remorse of failure, we should start looking at challenging, yet attainable goals.
I need to lose 150 pounds, but if I set that as my goal, I will fail and fall back into my self loathing world which is full of potato chips and french onion dip and then be mad at myself because I am weak. If I could start setting a goal to go for a 10 minute walk today and not eat chips but eat fruit instead, or go a day without stopping for that very convenient fast food, now that is very attainable and it is something to grow on. Just some thoughts off the top of my head for now.
One quote really jumped out at me from the book and it was a quote from John Welshons’ book Awakening From Grief:
“Today I can cry because roses have thorns, or I can celebrate that thorns have roses”