My son is graduating today. Wow, unbelievable! Images of him growing up are flashing continuously through my mind, from infancy to teen years, playing over and over….it is just an amazing feeling that I really do not deserve, but am ever so grateful to be feeling it. I could sit here and think about all the things I could have done differently, all the things that I wish I had learned so that I could have passed them on to him. All the times that I spent away from him because work was more important, or more to the point, I was more important. My selfish gains I can see now are my selfish losses, just wish I could have seen that sooner.
But hey, it is not too late, right? For God’s sake he is only 17 and I am ONLY 49, we still have a lot of living to do, but I need to make some changes in ME. Time to stop thinking about change and complaining that nothing ever changes and start MAKING changes. So many places that I could start and so many things that need to change, but the one thing that needs to change the most is my thinking, and I have already started on that, now I just need to LET IT HAPPEN
It is amazing how fast kids grow up, always sounded like a cliche but it is so damn true. Like I said, my son’s life is playing in my mind in a continuous loop, and it is a good feeling to see how he has grown and to think about all the good times we did have, instead of wallowing in the self-pity of the things that did not happen, the coulda-shoulda-wouldas that will drive you absolutely crazy in the end. Start looking at the good things in life, no matter how bad it seems, there is ALWAYS something good that can come out of it, and usually we will not see it for a long time, but it is there. Usually it is easier to see when you share your experiences with someone else, and to make a list of everything that you are grateful for. I recently made a list of 3-5 things that I was grateful for each day for 10 days without being able to repeat any of them, it sounds real easy but by day 5 or 6, it got tough. But it made me look hard at all the things I take for granted on a daily basis and it got me out of my pity pot for a little while. Give it a try, couldn’t hurt.
Anyway, enough rambling for the day. Going to go watch MY BOY graduate high school and try not to think about my baby girl who is just STARTING high school, don’t even get me started on that one or I’ll need one of those waterproof keyboards.