Monthly Archives: April 2014

Living life on life’s terms?

What choice do we have. So many people have so much advice on how everyone should live their life, what about those of us that haven’t really mastered anything, or maybe don’t believe in ourselves enough to showcase it?

Life comes at us 100 mph whether or not we are doing the right thing or we are doing the wrong thing, might as well try to do the right thing…..I used to believe that everyone was laughing at me or making fun of me just because of the way I looked, or the way I acted, so I hid in the corners, in the shadows, never wanting to be the center of attention. So I turned to drugs and alcohol to fit in (no, this is not going to be a blog about recovery, but there will be recovery in it, at least I hope so), and it worked…for a while. Then it stopped working because I got addicted to it. So I got addicted to recovery….and food….and women….and work….and so on and so on.

Seems to me that 30 years have passed and not much has changed in me. Still getting addicted or obsessed with one thing or another and then not know how to move on from that “stinkin’ thinkin'”. I am still searching for that inner peace, for something that is going to make me know that it is all going to be alright. Like I said, getting a lot of advice and praying for some guidance. Maybe I have too much time on my hands right now, or maybe that is what I needed at this point in my life. I dunno!

I have admitted that I am powerless over alcohol, food, work, sex, etc…. and that my life has become unmanageable and am currently working a 12 step program, (which is where I hear that it is GOING TO GET BETTER) but I feel empty inside.

Anyway, that is where my head is right now, I am hoping to find something by doing this, who knows, maybe someone will read it and have the answer I am looking for 🙂

See Ya

Mark

 


And so it begins……

Jack Of All Trades, Master of None. Been thinking about blogging for a while, even though no one is going to read it more than likely, but never sure how to begin.

Been thinking a lot lately about life’s passion…..at 49 years old, you would think I would have one by now. hmmmm….Not talking about family or friends that I love, talking about something in life that makes you, I don’t know, feel alive. I tried work as a passion and that only got me in trouble. And because I was at work 7 days a week, 12-14 hours a day (by choice) I never developed a….well….a life. Work and home, work and home, day in…day out.

Well, not working right now, need something. Like to read, like to cook, but I need something that I love to do. Have jumped into recovery with both feet because I need to and because I have the time. Maybe that is what I need to do, get more involved there. Not real sure.

Any ideas? Been praying on it and it is probably right in front of my face but I am too ignorant to see it? It will come to me. Right now got too much time on my hands and the more I think about all the crap I have done over the past 49 years, the worse off I am. 

Anyway, this is my first post, hopefully not my last. And hopefully they will get more insightful as I go, but i had to start somewhere, right?

See Ya!